Vinegar = Win

Vinegar, vinegar, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways:

•You are the primary ingredient in yellow mustard and frankly mustard rocks my world.
•You pal up with oil and bam, wicked dressing!
•Salt and vinegar chips. Need I say more?
•You make it possible for uncreative 5th graders to not look like assholes in the science fair with your oozing volcanic magic.
•You allow me to enjoy the outdoors through clean windows, from the comfort of inside, as it should be.
•You bravely cleanse the inner walls of some of the grossest vaginae the world has ever known. Extra props to you on that one vinegar. Brave, very brave.
•Although I know that you are in a super secret partnership with the Paas Easter Egg dye company to rule the free world, I still have to give you a nod for making it possible for us to dye eggs for the zombie Jesus. Really, I could mix that little dye tablet with water and call it good but no, you and Paas have something up your sleeves because you can’t!! No vinegar, no dye! Well played!
•Most importantly vinegar, you pickle things. You make it possible for me to eat jalapenos on my nachos. Who eats fresh jalapenos? No one, that’s who. You take an ordinarily way too hot piece of shit pepper and make it not only edible, but craveable. How do you do this voodoo vinegar??

You play well with others, you make children happy, you keep things clean and ship shape, and you turn otherwise nasty food into magic. I always said that I would never get married again but for you vinegar…well, never say never.